One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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