omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
