I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
PANTIES FOUND
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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