and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
