I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Randomize
