If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
