why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
