Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Let's get the cat blown out
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
