This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
