so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
