not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
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...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
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CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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