Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I did not marry a roomba.
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