I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
