She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
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I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice