I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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