I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."