i already hear my dad disowning me
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm in love with you.
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves