I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
