he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
