You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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