Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
