she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
