my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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