can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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