Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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