If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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