you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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