he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
