I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
