She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
