the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
