My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
