i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
