Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
