I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
