Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
