One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
