i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
