Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
