that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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