also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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