I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
