I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
