I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
