I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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