I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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