You just made me feel so damn special
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
