The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
