Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
