just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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