my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
