Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Too much gin, very little bucket
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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