i think i have two assholes
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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