I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
