i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
