Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
