I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
