Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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