***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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