OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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