My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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