Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city