I am spending my child support on dildos
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26