Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out