This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?