i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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