I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
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you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
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He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it