Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
