I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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