if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
