when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
