Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I want a musical about memes.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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