I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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