i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
