I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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