i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Two words: blizzard sex
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
