hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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