Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
