if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
