There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
